Reposting: New Year, New Block, New Life - 2015

2014 had been quite a struggling year. Honestly, it was definitely a year of trials to my faith and my patience. Looking back, I still clearly remember the time I started 2014; with tears, stress and the plain knowledge that I did not have a clue of what I will end up in 2014. I knew so little. And yes, I was worried. 

In 2014, I had my ups and downs. Bad times sometimes (I try not to think of it). But I had my good times too. Right from the beginning of the year itself. I have no regrets leaving the workplace I found to be stressful and uncomfortable near the end of 2013, and I chose to start 2014 with another workplace. Definitely, I found my priorities in life and in studies from the simple one and a half month of working. I realised that to be happy in life, you must have no regrets; and to have no regrets: respect, appreciate, treasure and learn from every decision you make, albeit a mistake or the wisest thing you have ever done. I also met a couple of amazing colleagues, odd and funny customers, as well as I got to really learn to grow up, as in grow up in the society, as it was my first and only experience I worked.

In 2014, I found the reasons to love my secondary life. I treasure the 3 months I had with my dear Chemistry and Science students. They were in Form 4 when I taught them from May to July. I really miss them till this day. Some are still in contacts, and I am just blessed to be able to leave my alma mater, once more, full of lovely memories and amazing friends. This year is their final year in high school. I bid them all the best wishes in the world. Just for the record, you guys, from the "so-called-smart-class" to the "so-called-not-so-smart-class" are all, to me, the same. All are equally clever, active, talented, excellent and I see much potential in each of everyone of you. You little ones taught me how to enjoy life in school. You think that the students learn a lot from the teacher, but in reality, the teacher learns so much more from the students. And I am glad that I did my best to teach you what I know and love about Chemistry and Science. I have learn to view and understand people before judging them by the cover. More importantly, not to judge people plainly by their academic capabilities, but by their personalities alone. Because that is what makes you, you. 

In 2014, I had my darkest moments too. After I got my UPU results (which I did not get any offer), I practically felt like I was lost in the middle of the ocean, no where to go, unwanted, denied, left alone, forgotten. I would not say that I had depression, because I still have the Lord who is my Comforter and Friend, but things were hard. Really hard. My sister said I had "the black aura". I had no idea. My patience was tested. I questioned the Lord, my Dad, myself. I did not believe the fact that I had gotten nothing for my UPU results. I worked so hard, like literally worked my ass off in Form 6 (no kidding), just to get the best possible pointers I could ever achieved. I did not know why. But now I do. Mind you that I have no regrets entering STPM, none whatsoever because I grew wiser both in life-decisions and in academics wise, and of course, friends I would never imagine I could have even in my wildest dreams. I really thank God for the support I had from my family, especially my Mum, for just plainly supporting me, even though I was really in a big mess of my academic future. Form 6 is the worst and best decision I could ever had make, the crazy part: I wish we could have more semesters just so I can have more time with my Form 6 friends.

In 2014, I found the reason to (almost) everything as soon as I was accepted to Unimas Medical School. I still cannot believe that I actually got into medicine. Finally, I can tell all the juniors, that hard work, perseverance and dedication do get you to the place you dream of, of you are willing to go to the very end. When I was not given any offer from any of the universities in Malaysia, I thought my idea of getting into medicine was just my own desire, that God had another plan for me. But I was wrong. It was not that my choice was wrong, but the timing was yet to come. Truly, in His time. God sees the bigger picture. He knows what is best for me. I am just plain grateful that I had that little bit more of patience to wait for His miracles to realise in me. About 5 more days after the devastating fall of hope. Within that 5 days, I could not eat well, sleep well, and had no mood to celebrate my friends' success. I learned so much. Too much to be written down. All I can say is that that 5 days really and nearly made me crazy, not because of the overwhelming sadness and grief, but because of the sheer amount of unknowns that suddenly made me powerless of my life. That was when I knew that I cannot be independent; I had to be dependent, on God, totally. 

From the day I started primary school to secondary school up to Form 6, a total of 13 years of studies, just to get me into my dream course, all was planned; well-planned by God. Mum and Dad did an amazing job of preparing me for this. I am eternally grateful for having such a good foundation in my studies. Mum sacrificed her career just so my sister and I can have a brighter future. I hope that my effort and hard work in meds school can show the world that my mother made the right, best and noblest decision of all; note that this proving took 20 years, and I can assure you, it is getting better! I am thankful for Dad who was able to financially support me through the years. I would not been able to attend any tuitions and extra classes to improve myself if it was not for my Dad's support financially. He is still supporting me now. I hope not for long. Then it is my turn to do the same.

I would like to personally thank Dr. Yap for his kindness and thoughtfulness for me since we met. It was like God giving me the bigger brother I had always wanted to have. Plus, he is a doctor. Physician to be exact. A good one too. My role model. He definitely helped me a lot. More than I could possibly ask for. And I look forward to meeting you soon someday. Hopefully by that time I can understand the most of the things you say. No more being a lay man. 

No longer I will have to remember why I was not happy the past two New Years. Because in 2015, I was happy. Joyful. Excited. Blessed. Thankful. I came back from Sarawak to welcome the new year with my family. That felt surreal. Oddly, but true. You only appreciate the people around you when you realised that they are not around you, as often anymore. 

I do not get home sick. None. I would not say that I hate to be in Sarawak too. I am an adventurous person. I love to travel, go to new places and experience new stuffs. I cannot take routine. Predictive routine kills me. Being far away just excites me. But once in a while, home is just the best thing ever. Especially after a long time away from it. 

Today is Sunday. At least, what is left of it. 17 minutes to go before I officially start my new block. This is Block 3, Blood and Immunology. It is gonna be awesome (scary too frankly) as we would be injecting and poking ourselves constantly for the one thing we all have, blood. Christmas holidays no more. Say hello to the new "semester". There will be only medical students going to lectures for these two months. Other faculties are having their sem-break, while we crunch our heads to the max. Busy life I bet. As much as I "complain" of how tiring I am, as much as I love and always grateful to be where I am now, studying medicine, and knowing that one day, I would have a future that is pleasing to my family, my Lord and the community. 

All the best to 2015! 

All the best to all the blocks to come!

All the best to the new me, in this new year!