I'm Wearing the Smiling Mask

Ask most people what they want out of life and the answer is simple - 

to be happy. 

Maybe... it's this expectation though,

of wanting to be happy 

that just keeps us from ever getting there. 

Maybe... the more we try to will ourselves to state's of bliss,

the more confused we get

-- to the point where we don't recognize ourselves anymore.

Instead, we just keep smiling, smiling and smiling;

 trying to be the happy one we wish we were. 

Until it eventually hits us, it's been there all along. 

Not in our dreams or our hopes 

but in the known, the comfortable, the familiar.

-- G.'s A

***

Tough times I've been through, lately.

It's complicated.

No tears, no sigh, no grief.

Just feeling down.

Teens are in the zone, where hormones

are imbalance; chaos and berserk.

Often, we'll be happy, 

to the extend of over-doing.

There's other time, we'll be sad,

irrationally, or reasons to vague to be spoken.

And how optimistic we are,

all we could do, is to put on a mask,

of a Smiley.

Pretending to be happy, in the inside or outside,

had been our thing;

we only want people to see us in the positive side.

But a smile is a smile,

and faking up a smile,

is no genuine smile.

And people knows that;

just that we don't say it out.

**

Suddenly, rain started pouring down.

I rushed to shut my windows.

Drops of rain splattered on my face, 

but still, I continued on shutting the window.

Well, that's like us.

When there is a thing that trouble us,

we quickly shut it away;

so we don't get all wet, and soaky,

in the inside.

In life, it's exactly similar.

I saw my friends got together.

They looked happy. 

Heck, it's in Facebook.

Well, there is nothing wrong with it,

the only wrong is that I am saddened.

I wasn't in there.

I do not blame them. I do not complain.

I am totally not angry at them;

I am angry of myself.

''Why, why me? Why so sensitive?

Why can't you just be happy for others?

Why are you so bloody selfish?

Why? Why me?"

 Then, without hesitation,

I quickly shut my heart,

forced a smile, and walked away.

That's how I deal it,

when my smile on my face

loses its radiance from my face...

*

No one does not want to be happy.

Me either.

Perhaps it was the expectation;

they are too freaking high.

Being happy is actually easier than breathing.

WHEN WE'RE CONTENT, WE'RE HAPPY.

Look the little things around us.

Little kids never got sad, because they appreciate

even the tiniest things in their life.

 So, I sat back in front of my computer.

I looked at my friends pictures.

They were having a great time.

I can tell that.

I think to myself,

''How happy I am, to have such happy friends.

How glad I am, to be able to smile when my friends are smiling."

...

...

My eyes are closed, but my smile is wide.